Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well a fun little action sequence there. Paced pretty well with a healthy amount of description in the right places. Info dumping was also non existent (that's a good thing). A nice little short story.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Kraka-BOOM!!!
Usually you say "KA-BOOM" but umm...okay.
Slabskik and two other orks were thrown from their war buggy with an ear-deafening boom as an Imperial Tank rounded the corner of an old beat up gun factory, smoke trailing from its man-sized barrel. A great smouldering crater had replaced Slabskik's great buggy.
Repeating great twice there is not a great idea.
Looking around, Slabskik noticed one of those orks was completely incinerated in the blast, and the other one wouldnt get up, no matter how much Slabskik kicked him. No matter, the tank was advancing on Skabskik and he had to do something fast. The hull mounted gun was pointed straight at him, and before it could fire Skabskik was running strait for the nearest cover. Shots ricochet'd off the ground, and one bullet had zoomed by his head. Hiding behind a metal support column of a once-was bank, Skabskik's shoulders were so broad that they stuck out on each side. Shots still roaring around him, he noticed the sky for once was black with pollution from the Ork Bombas as they sped overhead, dropping their "cargo" onto the city. The noise of battle was beating his ear drums like a punch to a face. His heart racing like never before, his breath in his lungs, never wanting to leave.
This paragraph has two different ideas crammed into it. You have to separate them into two separate paragraphs. And also a bit of a nitpick: tank rounds don't blow things up. They go through a lot of things and maybe create a small fireball but it's never going to actually incinerate anything.
The shooting had stopped, Skabskik could hear a human leave the tank. Two rounds of laser fire echoed around Skabskik, and with the speed and strength of an ork he raised himself rom the metal pile and heaved the giant twisted weapon as hard as he could. Blood caked the ground complemented with a groan as the human's skull was pierced and crushed by the weapon.
That was a very bad decision by the human.
Cheers and hollering were heard as Skabskik looked around dazed. At least a dozen orks had been hiding in buildings, from the Demolisher. Skabskik was about the same size, but just slightly larger due to the recent weeks of battle.
"Wot you doing hidin' from da 'umies?! I should bash yer noggin's in! I woulda expected better from da grots."
"Well boss, da 'umies did have da tank, and we wuz gettin' shot ta bits left an' right."
Boss, he liked that word, he could get used to it.
Well that's a neat ending. Not bad at all.
Aaaand that's all for this one. A bit of a short review for a very short story.
Overall: It was nice little fight scene and that's about all there was to it. I suppose that's all you were really going for so in that record you've done what you intended to do. So good job.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 266274
Reviews: 4153
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